I Should Have Known Better.

If I was using livejournal, I'd be able to display my mood with some form of smiley face. Unfortunately I'm not. So...

[Current Mood - WAY WAY WAY Annoyed]

I hate it when people say They'd commit to something, and then don't. It's just fucking annoying. I could be in Bishan watching Valentine's Day with Rachael and the rest right now, but because of some irresponsible people who don't keep their word, I'm stuck at home with nothing better to do.

It's 2.05pm right now. The show was a 1.00pm I think. Rachael bought the tickets online. I turned her down because last night They told me They were making plans for today. Even if I did rush down to meet them there wouldn't be a ticket with my name on it. Plus I have to be back home by 7.00pm, my parents are inviting they're friends over and I have to be around, so I can't meet them for lunch. There's only so much time in a single day.

It's fine really. I should be used to this by now. It's not the 1st time something like this has happened. So honestly, I shouldn't get so worked up about it right? After all, I should have known better. They're way too indecisive. It's never a "yes" or "no" with Them. It's only a "I dunno". I shouldn't have bothered to make plans with Them in the 1st place. They'd just let me down. They're just wasting my time.



Yeah. Maybe this loss isn't as serious as I thought it would be. Plus I've learned a lesson. Don't put too much faith in people, because They really don't give a damn about you.

He, or should I say She is rather smart. Having evaded me for so long. But I am of a superior species. You can only out run me for so long. At long last. After weeks and weeks of planning. Attempt after attempt of failures. She is finally DEAD...

YAY!!! My room is officially mosquito free!!! Well, at least for now. Okay, I've gotta get back to my battle stations.

Premature Reunion Dinner.

The food wasn't all that great, but the company was awesome. My Aunts, Uncles and Cousins are completely hilarious. Well they are from my Father's side of the family.

Not everyone was present though. We were missing my 2nd Aunt and her family. She was suddenly hospitalised a few days ago. She fainted and from the way the adults were talking about it, it sounded quite serious. I really hope she's alright. She's a really good person, so I really hope God helps her get well soon.

I really hope my 1st Aunt opens her mind a little more. Everyone knows her ex-husband is trouble. She's the only one who doesn't. She's way too nice and loves him too much. My Dad's right. Although she should forgive him, she shouldn't forget what he did. My Dad said if this continues, that man would be the one that destroys his sister. I doubt my Dad, his other sisters and my cousins will ever allow that to happen, but I really wish that man would just leave my 1st Aunt alone from now one. I don't want anyone hurting my family.

He's My Thunder.

Honestly, I think Sammie and the rest had a really hard time with me. I'm an extremely skeptical person. While I always believed there was a higher power out there somewhere, I never really accepted that it was God. I always felt Christians accepted things way too easily, that they so readily believed in everything the gospel said, even though it was written by man himself. They tell me the gospel was written by man, but only through the power of God. I told myself, the period of Christ, that was when history was most blurred. I told myself, I'll gather Faith, only when I see or hear God himself. I was waiting for that divine intervention. 2009 came and went. For a whole year, God remained silent. I started thinking I was right, that Faith in God was just a way for people to feel better, some psychological need.

Then, about a month ago, at Bedok Interchange, a woman came up to me. She said had she just attended an evangelism session. She wanted to share the gospel, I was in a hurry, and I didn't really want to stand in the sun listening to her preach. As an excuse, I told her I already attended Church. She smiled and gave me a pamphlet about her own Church. She told me I could drop by anytime I wanted to. Then she left.
Two weeks ago, I went to eat McDonald's with my Brother. The place was very crowded. An old man was sitting alone and he looked like he was about done. We waited nearby hoping he'd leave soon. He smiled at us and said we could share the table if we liked. So we did. When we sat down with our food, he still hadn't left. He started telling us about his life. He told us many things, he seemed to have been through alot. He said he was a Pastor. Just like that he started telling us about Christ. About all the wonderful things that happened through having Faith. For maybe an hour, we sat there. I could have told him to go away, but I didn't. Something made me listen. When he left, I didn't know his name. That old man in red never introduced himself.

A few days after, I was still thinking about that old man. I realised that maybe, just maybe, it was a sign. I can't really describe it, but I suddenly just realised that while God may not have been physically there, he was still there spiritually or whatever. Over the past year, He's been reaching out to me through many different people. My Cell Group and the constant joy and laughter they bring through Bible Study. The Church and the many different speakers about life lessons. Jessie and her currently dead blog. Annabelle and her incredible ability to remember almost the entire Bible. My Grandmother, even though she doesn't know it, and her constant humming of Christian songs. The woman and the old man in red. I actually think He's been reminding me that He's there. I was just too deaf and blind to listen. In a way, He already showed Himself to me. He already made Himself heard. It's hard to explain what happened and it probably sounds really creepy even if I did. It was more like something just snapped, or rather clicked into place. I realised that maybe they're right. Faith is not something you question. It's not something that you try to figure out logically, because you just can't. I used to have an answer or a question for every line in the Bible. Right now, I feel so sorry and sad that I ever felt that way.

Today, I saw how happy my Cell Group was. Their actions and sincerity really moved me. I realised over the past year, they put in so much. Even though I looked like a lost cause, they still didn't give up. I'm so very thankful to have such great people in my life.

Right after service to today, I listened to "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls. I know it's about a BGR sort of thing, but I can't help feeling that it's more like my newly chosen path. Haha. I'm not going to say anymore about it, because it's late, and I need time to recollect my thoughts.

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder